Steptember 24, 2011

3 months, 2 weeks 6 days since diagnosis
day #4 of current hospital stay
days until transplant - 6

My friends, Aaron and Michelle, brought Valentine to Boston today. When she ran into my arms after getting off the train, I sobbed. I miss her so much it feels like my heart is being pulled out of my chest. She told me she missed me... she held me so tight. Then she looked around and asked where Riker was :( I explained to her that Riker was at the hospital and that she'd see her next week. Of course Valentine wants to see her sister. ugh.

The day was good. It was the first time I had been outside the hospital since Riker had been admitted. We went to the aquarium and spent the day looking at exhibits. When it was time to go, I had to take the subway in the opposite direction as Valentine and my friends. Knowing the goodbye was coming up, I nearly had an anxiety attack. My heart was beating fast in my chest and my blood felt cold. I didn't think I could handle a teary goodbye where Valentine had to be pulled off of me screaming. Thankfully, my train appeared first and I quickly said I had to go, gave V a kiss, passed her to Aaron and ran off. As the train pulled away, I waved out the window, tears running down my face.

Riker had an okay day but the chemo is catching up to her. She's tired and cranky and even spit up a little today. She's not eating nearly as much as I'd like to see her eat and it's so early on in this process. We still have 5 more days of harsh chemo. The side effects are supposed to peak on day 0 - the day of her transplant. Thankfully, the nurses were able to give her a small amount of ativan and she's resting comfortably now. I've been spoiled - her previous rounds of chemo have had little to no side effects. Not only is each progressive round more difficult on her little body but this round is the worst of them.

For now, I take it one day at a time. Each day brings me closer to being together as a family again.