September 28, 2011

3 months, 3 weeks, 2 days since diagnosis
day #8 of current hospital stay
days until transplant - 2

Riker slept most of the day today. She's gotten used to her tube and her Ativan is keeping her comfortable. While sleeping at night, she's getting breast milk continuously. She has not developed any visible sores yet and can play for short periods of time before she exhausts herself. These are all things to be grateful for. It's hard to be grateful since this is so far from what I'm used to but I am trying to hold onto the positive.

I ran into another mother in the kitchen today. We don't see a lot of people on 6 west since no one is really allowed out of their rooms. We talked as she made her 2 year old daughter a peanut butter sandwich. We didn't talk much - that's pretty normal here - people are very closed off. A few minutes later, she came back. Her daughter had changed her mind and wanted toast with butter instead. This time we talked more. She was so angry... angry for her daughter and very obviously angry about her life. I have felt that way often and it's such an awful place to be. It's so hard not to be angry, though.

Jon is bringing Valentine tomorrow and I cannot wait to see them. I miss them so terribly. I think that Riker will enjoy seeing her big sister, too :) We're almost to transplant.