Thursday, September 22, 2011

September 22, 2011

3 months, 2 weeks 4 days since diagnosis
day #2 of current hospital stay
days until transplant - 8

I am so tired. Whenever someone looks at one of my tired children and says "oh, she'll sleep good tonight," I think to myself, "you must not have kids." Tired children do not sleep well. Tired children wake up screaming in the middle of the night and refuse to nap. I know it's not intuitive but it's usually true. Well rested children go to sleep and stay asleep much easier.

Last night and today was a constant parade of people through our room. There were vital checks and meds and blood draws and chemo. It seemed that the nurses only left for a few minutes at a time today. Riker started her first chemo dose at 5 am this morning and will have it every 6 hours. She was very moody and wouldn't eat today but I actually think it was from the antibiotic she received last night.

This place is so different than the Babara Bush Children's Hospital in Portland. I feel so lost, lonely, and scared. I didn't leave the wing at all today and barely left the room. I don't have a view of the skyline here, I have a view of the building next door. The sun doesn't really come in the window at all. The staff is very nice and I'm sure I'll get to know them but right now, everyone is a stranger. They don't know me and they don't know my daughter. I want to go home.

1 comment:

  1. I am thinking of you and praying for and for Riker every day, Tory. I know I only know you through FB, but just from that I can tell how special you and your little girls are. I'm so sorry Valentine was using defense mechanisms with you during your good-bye; even though you understand what she's doing, it's still hard to hear those words. She loves you more than anything and she's just scared, like all of you. I wish so much that I lived anywhere near you so I could help support you, but I will send prayers to uplift you and comfort you through your fear and Riker's pain. You. are. amazing.