Riker did not come home today as hoped. Her white blood cells have not recovered enough for it to be safe for her to leave the hospital. I wasn't even expecting to bring her home yet. It's only day #23 of induction. Alas, I find myself disapointed anyway. Hopefully she'll come home tomorrow.
On another note, I finally got myself to my doctor yesterday to look at my back. All the stress, travel, and sleeping on the awful hospital couch has really done a number on me. I have a bad back and have already had one surgery. In the past week, I have almost collapsed with Riker in my arms and have had to have the nurses take her from me more than once. I do not need problems like this right now. I ended up getting an x-ray and will have to have an MRI. I will also be going to physical therapy. I have a lot of time for this.
As a last resort, I finally agreed to take a muscle relaxer to see if it would help. Unfortunately, these are not compatible with breastfeeding. This means a lot of pumping and dumping. Anyone who's even pumped a few times at work each day knows how heartbreaking this is. Clearly, whoever said "don't cry over spilled milk" was taking about breast milk. Unfortunately, they didn't help a lot. The side effects are not pleasant and I find myself still groggy and tired over 24 hours later.
Again, here I am feeling sorry for myself when I should be grateful that so many things are going right. It seems, however, that for every bit of good news, there comes a dozen results that are more stressful than the last step. I am finding myself overwhelmed with stress lately and even losing sleep. I have to find a way to de-stress. Even "taking time for myself" is stressful these days, though. Hopefully tomorrow will bring brighter things. A few days out of the hospital living a normal life should refresh everyone. I do find that the times I feel the best these days are when my girls are together and when Riker gets to be away from this wing.