Sunday, July 17, 2011

July 17, 2011 - Day #44

I start back up at work tomorrow. I've been away for 6 weeks. It feels like a lifetime - everything is different now. More so than the first time I went on maternity leave. My entire life is upside down. I cannot afford to lose my job, though. In more ways than one. We need the income is the obvious. But also, my job is flexible and understanding. Who knows how long this will last and what other job would tolerate me taking last minute time off to travel to the hospital all the time?
My employers are allowing me to work remotely pretty much exclusively. This way, I can work from the hospital and more importantly, from Boston when we go for transplant. I am an analyst so I can pretty much do my work anywhere. I feel confident that I will be able to succeed with this plan.
I am, however, scared. I'm constantly exhausted. The stress is physically taxing and I always feel like I'm under rested no matter how much sleep I get. My hope is that having an outlet such as my work will actually help me feel more rested. I am afraid that I am wrong, though. Adding another thing to my plate is risky. For now, we're going to play it by ear. I can always leave again if I can't cope.
Thankfully, my managment and coworkers couldn't be more supportive. I know they're looking out for me and willing to help me along in anyway that they can. All I can do is take this one day at a time and see where it goes from here.

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