Thursday, December 1, 2011

November 29 & 30, 2011 - Day 59 & 60

5 months, 3 weeks, 4 days since diagnosis
69 days away from home

I feel like I'm starting to lose touch with reality. I have not left this room and have not talked to anyone but Riker in days. Riker is not sleeping well and night and neither am I. I'm feeling lonely and isolated and Riker is clearly getting bored. She's used to a constant parade of people in her room and listening to me chat everyone up. I'm used to being on the go and socializing frequently.

We have a clinic day on Friday and that will be my first time around people since Monday. This has been in incredibly long week and I'm ready to go home. Soon... and given the opportunity, I'd stay until our house is ready. I need to keep my chin up and push through. This is different, though. Although I've often felt alone since the beginning of this, now I really am alone. There are no doctors, nurses, or social workers. It's just me and Riker.

Like everything else, this will soon just be a memory. I will probably even miss the quiet days when Riker and I were alone. We have some great moments. There are tickles and cuddles and lots of sweet mommy/baby time. Those are the moments I am trying to focus on... capture and hold on to forever.

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