Friday, November 4, 2011

November 3, 2011 - Day 33

4 months, 4 weeks, 1 day since diagnosis
day #42 of current hospital stay

A friend lost her son yesterday. Tyler Burdick was only 2 1/2 years old and had his transplant only 15 days before Riker had hers. Today she went home for the first time in two months and she went home without one of her precious babies. She watched him lie in a bed for weeks fighting for his life, unable to hold him or take away his suffering. It could have been us. We could be watching our baby die. I cannot help but put myself in her shoes. I cannot help be grieve along with her.

But it is not us. Riker does better every day. Riker is tolerating her feeds and spends more time awake every day. We'll be discharged soon. I cannot feel guilty, but I do. Like a survivor in a horrific accident, it doesn't seem fair. Why do some babies make it through while others lives are cut so very short? A parent should never have to figure out how to go on without one of their children.

Stephanie and Daniel, Tyler's parents, are in my thoughts today. My heart goes out to them. I hope that, after enough time passes, they can find peace. I hope that they find the strength to go on and care for their remaining two boys. I hope that Dawson and Gabriel learn of their brother and his strength and can somehow help to keep his memory alive.

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