June 27, 2011 - Day #23

The doctor called at 1am today. Riker is throwing up her entire feeds at the hospital. She never throws up when I feed her. What are we doing wrong? They decided not to feed her anything until I could get in later this morning. This is so frusterating.

Today, I brought Valentine to the hospital to see Riker. Big risk - I did it all by myself. I had a friend standing by to come get her as soon as she got to be too much. It is so difficult negotiating a baby covered in tubes and wires while a rambunctious 2 year old and running about touching all the machines. I was so scared that Valentine would rip out one of her lines.

The trip wasn't so bad. It wasn't particularly easy but it went well. Valentine got to play and she got to spend some time with her sister. For a moment, it felt normal - it felt good. I missed having my girls together. Valentine is such a good big sister.

I was also able to talk to the doctors again. They set my mind at ease... the fact that we're worring about Riker's food intake is a good thing. It means that all the things that could be going wrong aren't. Apparently, they are not lucky enough to be worrying about food with most infants at this point in their treatment. That is good. Also, they are willing to let me take lead on what to try in regards to nutrition. That is very good.

The doctor agreed to let us try cup feeding since she won't take a bottle. After a try today, I think we might get a marginal amount of success with a little time and effort. With any luck, she'll be able to learn to drink from a cup and this method will work as an alternative to bottle feeding. Additionally, when I'm not at the hospital, they are going to treat her feedings more like when I feed her. Instead of just having her lay in her bed with the food being put directly to her stomache with the NG tube, they will sit with her upright. Then, when she is finished the feed, they will burp her. We will be giving her 1/2 an ounce every 2 hours during the day. At night, we will do this every 4 hours. Hopefully this will work and we can build up from there.

I feel so much better and I finally feel like I have a little control. I feel so much better being able to see my daughters in the same room. Today, I feel much better. I can do this.