October 12, 2011 - Day 11

4 months, 1 week since diagnosis
day #20 of current hospital stay

I am starting to feel more like myself today. I have been able to get some work done and have picked up the room a little. I am getting out for an hour or so every day. I have honestly been very depressed. I sit here helplessly all day long in the dark and it's been taking its tole on me.

Now it's time to get to business. Riker and I WILL be getting out of here soon. It may not be for another month before we can go home but we need a home to go to when we do get out of here. It is significantly less clear how long Riker will need to be isolated at this point. I think it's actually going to be something we have to play by ear. The original 6 month plan is a minimum. She could be on house arrest for a year or more. Then what happens if she relapses? God forbid, what happens if we have to go through this all over again? It happens all the time.

Jon is feeling down and he's lost steam on finding a place to live. We were going to build a custom home with air filtration for Riker but the land fell through and now there isn't time. We don't know what to do... find a temporary solution while we build? Find a newer home and retrofit to our needs? I feel helpless from so far away. Jon has put so much energy into this and he just doesn't have anything left.

I plan to meet with the oncologist tomorrow to get a sort of checklist of requirements and wish list items for a home. I am also going to ask about companies that can evaluate a possible home for us. Once I have that information, we'll have a better idea of where to go next.

Today, Riker remains the same. We're just playing the waiting game and thankfully, she's sleeping through most of it. It has been so long since I've seen her smile. I look at pictures and cannot believe she ever looked so brave and happy. Soon... soon I'll be able to enjoy both my girls' smiles at the same time. I want to hear their laughs fill my house.